Connecting Threads

 

Anju, director of ISRC, and our family

Imagine knowing you were born somewhere else and having no person to connect you with your birth story. I don’t just mean being the last surviving member of your family, though that certainly carries its own pain, but not having anyone in your conscious memory who could share stories that connect you to your first year of life. I can try to imagine, but I don’t actually know what that is like.  I’ve heard stories of my birth - I even have a cassette recording of my trip home from the hospital in which I was being held in a family member’s arms before car seats were an expected requirement.

Namita and Baby Morgan Monami

 For my daughter, she has only my stories of what I’ve heard, stories I partly imagine with her of ayahs playing with and holding her. I can tell her what I’ve read on paper, but like many families, we grasp for any tangible connection for our children even though these are few and far between. It might be the name of an ayah who held our child in a photo we stared at and shared with family and friends in the long days, weeks, and months of waiting or the emailed report that our child was raising her head or blowing raspberries at her crib mate. It was one thing when these tangible connections mattered to us in our waiting and longing; however, it is another when our children begin asking questions and we hear their longing.

Hanging out at the cookout

One day we will take a birthland tour, but since it is not possible quite yet, we were thrilled to hear about the reunion announced this past winter in Denver. Morgan has attended India Camp through Dillon International adoption agency twice, both times wonderful and full of learning about Indian culture and time spent with other adoptees from India. This reunion was a bit different in form and sponsorship. The leaders of Illuminate India, an organization you have probably seen me post about in the last couple of years because its mission is close to my heart, arranged for Anju Roy to fly in from Kolkata to visit with the children who were adopted specifically from ISRC. ISRC manages the children’s home where Morgan spent the first 13 months of her life. While the reunion schedule was looser than camp had been, there was plenty of relaxed time to enjoy playing, eating, and talking together with an emphasis on time spent with Anju and one another.
 

Looking at baby pictures together

Anju is a legend in our Dillon adoptive family community that spans the continental U.S. yet connects us through our love and appreciation of ISRC. Anju and her sister founded ISRC to provide a safe and loving home for babies whose mothers so often want to care for them but cannot, due to cultural stigmas, health issues, or financial issues. Anju is the first to emphasize that love is shared with these babies who are to be adopted, and in some cases, aging children with special needs who may live at the home for many years. 

In fact, the government recently offered to place a 22 year old in a nursing facility for disabled adults, but ISRC said “No. We have loved him for 22 years. We will keep caring for him. He is ours.” I do not know how many babies have been matched with families both within India and internationally over the years through ISRC, but I am guessing hundreds if not more. 

Two excited new parents, one uncertain 13 month old, and
Anju looking on in the background

Though this was by far not the first time that Anju has traveled to the states and visited with the children, it was the right time in Morgan’s journey and in our ability to go.  The trip was short - less than 48 hours from the first cookout until our goodbyes - but meaning is not always measured in quantitative hours. From the moment Anju stood with Morgan looking at her baby pictures — telling us who the ayahs were and what they are doing now, commenting thoughtfully about recent pictures, never rushing and doing this repeatedly with child after child and family after family — to the moment we said our last goodbyes and shared last hugs Sunday morning, Morgan and we soaked it all in.

Morgan loved talking to Anju. She told Anju how
special she was. Anju reciprocated. Neither was wrong!

I continue to hold close the stories of first weeks home and ongoing journeys of parenting that were shared poolside and during meals by fellow adoptive parents as we watched our children - bio and adopted - play together. I will treasure the new picture of Morgan and her crib mate whom we saw again after first meeting five years ago. No doubt, I will listen to Morgan talk about this trip for years to come. 
 

Birthdays just days apart, these two kept each
other company in their cribs before either set of
adoptive parents could hold them.

If you know Morgan, you will hear about her trip too. She will probably tell you that she got to swim because that’s her favorite activity! But ask her who she got to see and talk to. She will tell you about the kids who look like her and about Anju who knew her before we did. She probably will not mention that Anju invited all of the children to email her their questions and that she promised to write them back with answers as best as she could provide. That last part is what I carry away though.  

Anju and families who gathered from across the U.S.

Love connects across many miles and oceans. It doesn’t fix everything. It doesn’t take away the questions or the sadness of loss. It tells us we matter though. It tells us that even when the answer to the question is “we don’t know” and “yes, it does hurt”, space will be held for the impossible questions to be asked again and again. 

The babies in the arms of women who loved them and cared for them
December 2004 or January 2005 - Morgan is on the left

There are children and young adults continuing to discover what they can do and spreading wings to fly in this world through the love-in-action that is happening at ISRC and the community projects they sponsor. From meals and education for students to the therapies provided for children with special needs to the vocational training programs for young women, ISRC and Illuminate India are meeting needs in West Bengal, India to do more than help kids survive but to help them thrive.  If you want to learn more and if you would like to help those projects continue to gain traction and grow, please visit Illuminate India.
 

Kristi Werre, one of the founders of Illuminate India,
and Anju share with the group projects to meet needs
of vulnerable children and to empower them
for the future.

 The women who work with Anju to see these projects into reality are adoptive parents who want to see children thrive right there in India and are seeking to invest in lives in tangibly relevant ways.

Yes, I've said plenty, but there really are no words to express adequately what a weekend like this means. Connection is the word that comes to me. When we connect, we are empowered and new possibilities emerge. For such creative and woven threads of connection, I am exceedingly grateful.

Tami Davidson with her son and Morgan

Tami was a social worker at Dillon when we

were in the process of adopting Morgan. She not

only guided us through the intricacies of the process

but listened to and reassured anxious parents-in-waiting!

Rebecca also served as a social worker for Dillon for
many years prior to Morgan's adoption. She
facilitated the adoptees' Q&A conversation with
Anju over the weekend.

If you think you might be interested in supporting Illuminate India, check out Curry for a Cause coming up in September! Pick your favorite curry recipe (or Indian restaurant), invite some friends over, and together raise $360 to feed a child for a year. If curry isn't your thing, here are other ideas for ways to be involved:

Get Involved with Illuminate India